muddles puddles and sunshine.

i haven't forgotten about you.

join in and play.

i guess i could have noted this in my previous post, but i feel it deserves its own; and that you all deserve to know....rock of love ashley, paragon of elegance and beauty, has replaced rock of love megan as the official love of my life. want her need her love her.

giant germ.

i've been pretty much dead again. the flu and two ear infections (my third ear is, as of yet, unaffected). ill tell ya, man, healthwise, between sinusitis, hyperglycemia, colds, teeth-pulling, bronchitis, and now this nonsense (to say nothing of father and joeys' surgeries and whatnot) you can take 2009 and give it back to the indians. i mean, i dont WANT to use this thing just to bitch, but, i mean, it is what it is. wtfuck that's supposed to mean.

finished "when you are engulfed in flames" by sedaris yesterday....underwhelmed. Always, have his books made me laugh out loud, literally, even upon repeat readings. Not this one, not even once. Less about Hugh, more about his familly would be great. It also read as a bit self-referential and self-congratulatory, i thought. Usually sedaris utilises a more self-loathing approach, i thought, so that was weird. obvs, it had strong points, just few and far between. AH WELL SUCH IS LIFE.

i was thinking the other day about how whenever we were little kids our dad would tell us that only white trash uses satellite dishes. Whenever we were driving somewhere, though, lets face it, it was most likely up to where my mothers from, an area some (i.e., dad) refer to as hillbilly country, he would invariably point out each and every satellite dish and note the alleged white-trashness and likely neer-do-well tendencies of said dishs' owners. joey, of course, was very delayed in his speech...he did not begin to talk until he was four or five, if memory serves. some of his very first words? passing a satellite dish, pointing, and EMPHATICALLY yelling "why rash why rash!". Yes, "white trash, white trash", to the beginning speaker. daddy done brought us up right.

falling up.

sometimes there is not a doubt in my mind that you are all i have ever needed.

questions i got at work the other day:

Q)What is the average size penis?

A) According to AskMen.com, the average penis is 3.43 inches when flaccid, and 5.8 inches when erect.

i get that question at least once, but usually much more per shift. also, who has the world's largest penis? It's jonah falcon, i believe, at, 13.5 inches. I was once asked if, laid end to end, how many of poor mr. falcons (seems it would be both a gift and a curse, really) would it take to a) reach the moon, and b) circumference the earth. i remember neither of the exact figures, but trust that they were staggering.......even mind-boggling.

Q)Whats that movie, with that guy, that was in that other movie...with that dog?

A)There are many films with men and dogs, from last year's hit Marley & Me to classics like Sounder, and Old Yeller.

like, damn son, really? i hope you was being a smartass with that question.

Q)Why does sparkle drink so much?

A) Sparkle may drink too much alcohol in order to feel drunk or escape the problems he/she is having.

i assumed that they meant alcohol cause upon first glance i of course assumed that sparkle was a person, maybe a stripper or a drag queen of some stripe, what with the name sparkle. or maybe i was projecting. i suppose it, it meaning sparkle, of course, may have been a cat or a gerbil, or some such shit, too, i guess. in which case not drinking enough would be symptomatic of renal failure, or simple dehydration.

in keeping with the cat motif....

Q)Can u get high from inhaling cat urine?

A) Although cat urine has a foul odor and has been rumored to give off a high, there is no scientific answer as to whether it really does or not.

its kinda like ewwy why would ya wanna but hey man its like me and anne have always said we take res hits cause we need to not cause we want to...same kind of thing i guess or perhaps im just rationalizing on this poor blokes behalf.

Q) What is a penis?

A)The penis is the external male sex organ which contains the urinary tract & is used for reproduction.

File this one under "if you have to ask...". and, yes, our clientele is really, truly, this penis-centric. between this and horoscopes, goddamn if i have time for anything else. been workin three weeks, and only TWO shark questions! only TWO! and that was specified as one of my areas of expertise!


Q) my ex, its hard for us to communicate now that its over
A) When communicating with an ex, it is important not to bring up old issues, and to be empathetic. More?
Q) ya i would try to talk to him, but everyone thinks i hate him, because after hmy badly he hurt me i should. but i guess i am deeply in love with him too.
but i dunno. its hard to talk to him about it. he avoids situations like that sometimes. well certain ones. Well, we are not even cloud to be together. my mom doesnt trust him.
A) If you really do want him back and you both are ready, have a serious talk; talking with your mom might also help her trust you and him.
Q)O ok. so i really miss my ex, and something tells me that he is in love with me, but he has had a reputation as a player for a long time so its hard for
him to go back to me. at least thats what i think and observe. i work with him and see him and school. he already has a new girl but everytime he sees me
A)Try communicating with your ex-boyfriend by phone or email & ask him if he still has feelings for you.
Q)even when he is with her, he walks with me and hugs me. what do you think?
A)Maybe talk to him in private about what you feel for him and about his actions toward you. Good luck!

they more mixed up than a milkshake. also, that was both physically and mentally exhausting for me. more than i could ever ever express in one blog post. ever.

and i try to leave but you know me i come back when you want me to.

the mountains of tibet.

every parent should utilise those terrible, terrible "trick" candles....you know, those which when one blows on them, they initially appear extinguished, only to relight? they are probably necessary for every childs' birthday from every birthday since the....birth day. few things in this world highlight as much as aforementioned candles the lack of permanence of everything in this weird life, and how ineffectual each of us really are. valuable lessons, methinks.

the giving tree.

my toof necklace!! the picture does not EVEN do it justice shits awesome and makes me feel like a mofuckin voodoo priestess despite my conspicuous lack of melanin. i wrapped wire around the tooth, which is some sick ass deep sea under water weird twisty type toof, put it on a loop, then put a chain on the bitch. still need a toof hookup def need to make some rattly ass charm bracelet with like forty odd teeth hanging off of it. dad has some deer skulls out in the garage ill just take my pliers out one day i spose.

also: scarf thingie that i made. i figured out how to not just make triangles, heather! yayyyy!! anyways shitty picture obvs but its tan and white patterned yarn with a blue/brown/white striped yarn border around the top edge and the down the diagonal side, at which point it is stitched together. so it should keep my neck warm but also if i have another bout of hatchetface-ism then it will also function in that capacity.

speaking of hatchetface......wtfuck whoever votes for the oscars!?! no love for mr. rourke? shits fucked, man, i mean the guy just lost his chihuahua!! RIP loki.

and i am guilty of the same so i know this is some truth telling im about to do but if you say you hate 'hey there delilah' then you are a lying liar. lying liar pants on fire!